Numbers
by Faikitty
Summary: There's no denying their relationship is complicated. Set of 10 song drabbles. Hirato/Akari.


**A/N:** I really only did this because I've been having a hell of a time writing lately even though I have like three fics started. These ten drabbles are based off songs, written during the 3-4 minutes while the songs were playing. Also, I was having major Portal feels and I needed a way to circumvent those.

.

.

.

* * *

Who put that rock in your chest, won't you tell me?  
If I said I wished you the best, I was lying.

- **Lovesick Fool, The Cab**

* * *

It hurts, the first time Hirato walks away. Seeing the broad silhouette of his back as he leaves, door slamming behind him and some unspoken offense still hanging heavy in the air, feels like a bullet through his chest.

It hurts even more the last time.

Because this time, both of them know it's for good. There's something inside of Hirato that will never let him love how he should, and Akari _knows_ that he only leaves for the doctor's sake. He thinks it will cause less pain to them both.

Akari knows better.

Waking up alone to see smooth sheets where they should be crumpled beneath Hirato's form is something Akari can't bear. Even Hirato's smell leaves eventually, erased on a day that Akari angrily throws the sheets into the wash, determined to rid his life of even that much of a memory.

It doesn't help.

* * *

I keep on looking for something I can't get,  
Broken hearts lie all around me and I don't  
See an easy way to get out of this.

- **(I Just) Died in your Arms, Bastille**

* * *

Hirato _swore_ he would never allow any harm to come to Akari. Akari always scoffed at that, at the gentle kisses planted along his cheek as Hirato spoke such cliché words.

Hirato keeps his promise, even at the cost of his own life.

It isn't painful, after the initial wound, and Akari catches him before he can fall. He reaches up a hand as his head is cradled on Akari's lap, trying to brush away the tears that he feels falling onto his face. He's almost grateful his sight is already all but gone; he doesn't want to see the pain in those beautiful eyes. It's difficult enough having to hear him. Even though he can't make sense of the words, their tone conveys desperation. He tries to smile, and he wishes he could say how glad he is that he's able to die like this, held in the arms his lover.

The last thing he feels is Akari's fingers clutching his hand.

* * *

I'm coming home to breathe again, to start again  
I'm coming home from all the places I have been

- **Calls Me Home, Shannon LaBrie**

* * *

Sometimes, their jobs take them far, far away from one another.

It feels strange to see each other again after years of being apart. Hirato isn't quite sure how to react to the appearance of thin lines etched into Akari's face, and Akari can do little but stare at the appearance of the multitude of new and old scars running over Hirato's limbs.

One would think it would be easy for things to return to the way they were. But when it's been this long, long enough for time to change their appearances, it's too strange. Hirato longs to sweep Akari off his feet, but the other man looks so tired and much older that he feels like it would be disrespectful to do so. Akari thinks that kissing Hirato might be the best course of action, but he reconsiders when he sees a scar even going over the other man's lips and watches how he now walks with a limp.

A hello, then. They can start with that. A hello, a handshake, and a "welcome home."

* * *

You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway  
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs

- **Afraid, The Neighbourhood**

* * *

Sometimes, Akari just wants to kill his partner.

Hirato is undeniably beautiful, brilliant, and talented. However, he is also egocentric, selfish, disrespectful, and all together impossible to deal with at times. Akari will admit he has a bit of a temper, but Hirato always does things to intentionally set him off.

He _hates_ him.

It's painfully obvious by now that Hirato knows what he can by with, and the answer is nearly everything. Akari may reprimand him, but he'll do little by way of actual punishment. Countless nights, they go to bed cross with one another. Sex is often carried on wings of not passion but anger, the sort of mindless fucking that only serves the purpose of releasing frustration. Some nights, Akari has kicked Hirato out of bed after the fact, once his head is clear enough to realize the stupidity of still having sex with someone who has angered him so much.

Really, Akari can't understand why he stays with the bastard. He suspects it has to do with the way Hirato looks at him. He's the only one who's ever privy to Hirato's peaceful expressions, during sleep or in the after glow of sex. Some nights, Akari has awoken to find Hirato leaning over him, gazing at him with eyes that look as if they're cherishing each of Akari's breaths. Even when he is likewise angry, Akari can't entirely hate him, and all because of that look he gives him. Because the fact is, Hirato rarely looks as if he's mad; he only ever looks bitter, betrayed, almost _hurt_, as if he's worried this will be the misstep to cause Akari to replace him.

Honestly, it isn't fair.

* * *

When everything you're worth is under attack  
What you know about heart? What you know about that?

- **Born to Rise, Redlight King**

* * *

Hirato must admit; he sort of _likes_ fighting alongside Akari. Not that he'll let the good doctor go into battle, of course. On the occasions that Akari has to go onto the battlefield to care for the wounded that are too injured to be moved, Hirato insists on escorting him.

Regardless, it's nice to be able to return from battle to know that Akari is waiting for him, even if the blond does treat him the same as all of the other gives him an extra spark when he's out in the field, all the more reason to keep enemies from reaching their base where Akari is. He has no hesitation in cutting off his enemies' heads when someone he cares for could be injured by a moment's pause.

Even Tsukitachi, for how much he messes around on his ship, is an incredibly efficient fighter. There's a reason he's captain of the 1st Ship, after all. His aim seems sharper as well when Akari is potentially threatened, and despite their differences, Hirato enjoys being able to fight back to back with him.

Akari is a good luck charm for them both, it seems.

* * *

So come closer, baby  
I want to see what you're made of

- **All I See, Lydia**

* * *

Akari has never been able to figure out if Hirato needs those glasses of his or not.

Sometimes, he pries them from the other man's nose, just to see how he'll react. Hirato always just smiles at him as if he knows all his secrets (which, admittedly, he does) and takes them back, returning them to their proper place. Akari thinks then that they probably _do_ serve a purpose.

But there are nights when they just sit up, talking, that Hirato won't have them on. Instead, he'll fold them up and set them carefully on the nightstand, saying something about being able to see better in the dark without them, and who would want to miss out on a minute of the beauty of Akari's face? The blond never bothers to react to these comments, just rolling his eyes and turning his back on Hirato or silencing him with a kiss.

Akari doesn't really care either way. Hirato is full of mysteries, and his vision—or lack of—is only one more.

(And if Akari were to ask, Hirato would admit that he doesn't need to be able to see Akari, that just being able to feel him curled up next to him in the dark is enough for him.)

* * *

I wanna taste you again  
Like a secret or a sin

- **Only You, Matthew Perryman Jones**

* * *

Hirato could have anyone he wants, and he knows it.

Tsukumo, although she's young, would never turn him down. Her crush on him is painfully obvious, and he knows he could have his way with her.

(But he couldn't. She's a child next to him, and he would never be able to betray her trust like that.)

Then there's Eva, who's closer in age to him and much more the seductress. He's seen men and women alike fall prey to her charms, and he'll admit to having entertained fantasies of her from time to time himself.

If he wanted a man, he could no doubt have Tsukitachi. He remembers kissing the other captain once or twice when they were younger and both had an adequate amount of alcohol clouding their brains. He wouldn't expect any affection from the redhead, and he knows Tsukitachi wouldn't expect any in return. It would be a relationship without a single string attached.

He could have the love of a stranger if he wants. He could go out to any bar, seduce a beautiful man or woman (or even both), and take them home with him. He knows he's attractive, and he would have no trouble finding someone else.

Unfortunately, he doesn't _want_ someone else.

Out of his head and back into his room, he sighs and flips over the frame with Akari's picture in it. The glass is cracked from the doctor throwing it onto the floor weeks ago, but Hirato keeps it there all the same.

* * *

You are my sweetest downfall  
I loved you first

- **Samson, Regina Spektor**

* * *

"You'll be the death of me someday," Akari murmurs, cheek resting on Hirato's chest as he watches the shadows move on the wall. He feels a rumble beneath his face as Hirato chuckles.

"I would never let you die," he promises, as he often does. He winds an arm over Akari's shoulders, holding him tightly.

"Then maybe I'll be the death of you" is Akari's response, and Hirato frowns at that before his lips turn up in a sad smile.

"If you killed me, my dear, I would be content with that," he whispers, voice suddenly sounding too loud in the silence of the dark room, and with that, he places a soft kiss atop Akari's head.

* * *

Careful, you don't wanna mess up, do you?  
Fake brave face, I see right through you

- **Watch Me, Icon for Hire**

* * *

Hirato isn't about to allow _his_ sensei to be taken from him by any of the other students.

Sometimes they try. Akari is so beautiful; it comes as no surprise to Hirato that he isn't the only one so attracted to him. He hears whispers in the hall about how lovely the teacher is, and the words send a dagger to his stomach, jealousy balling under his chest.

Fortunately, Hirato is excellent at shutting them down. All it takes is a subtle threat, a whispered word in their ears that sends them fleeing within seconds, and they're gone, no longer any sort of danger to him or his perceived relationship with his teacher.

If that fails, Hirato isn't afraid to take risks, to speak up to his teacher in front of these supposed fellow suitors. He can flirt with such ease, and it gives him a bit of a thrill to leave Akari speechless in the middle of class. It also works to silence the other students who are interested in them, as none of them would _ever_ dare to be so bold.

Unlike them, Hirato isn't afraid to lose it all if it means gaining Akari.

* * *

Out of the seven billion people in this world, there's only you.  
Almost a million words that I could say, but none of them will do.  
So many years that I have lived, but it feels like I've just begun.  
Out of the seven billion people, baby, you're the only one.

- **Numbers, The Cab**

* * *

Neither of them ever actually expected to fall in love with each other.

Hirato has never been terribly keen on emotions like this to begin with. He's always been more inclined to stick to the physical side of relationships, preferring to end it before his partner had a chance to fall for him. He never expected _himself_ to have such feelings for someone else, because men like him _don't_ fall in love.

Neither do men like Akari. If asked about his relationship with the captain, Akari would automatically respond that he _hates_ the other man, always has, always will. And originally, that was true. Now it's nothing but a prerecorded response to a question that's rarely asked anymore, because it doesn't take a genius to figure out that his relationship with Hirato is considerably more than it appears on the surface.

And none of the people who wonder about them are ever able to see them when they're alone together. They notice how Hirato always absentmindedly lets his fingers stray onto Akari's hands or throws an arm over his shoulder in what looks like harmless companionship. Yet they miss the way Akari's body caves to Hirato's touch as lips are pressed to his neck at night. They aren't attentive enough to see how Hirato's eyes light up the moment Akari comes into his view, and they certainly never see how gentle the soldier is when he's in bed with Akari.

If he wants to use clichés, Hirato would say he's waited his whole life to find someone like Akari. And truth be told, Akari would say the same.

But neither of them does, because neither of them needs to. Both of them knows what the other means.


End file.
